New year started off sad…

With the new year here, I still feel numb. There’s so much I just cannot place into words at how 2016 ended in such a sad and heartbreaking note. Well here it goes, my father in law whom I adored went to heaven on Dec 31, 2016 at 7 pm.

Grandpa with Branden 2003

We were doing groceries and running our last minute errands to head home and spend it together when bam, that phone call changed it all for us. We rushed home and just gathered what we could in a hurry and rushed all the way to nyc. 

My poor babies were crying a bit and it was a very quiet drive. 

His mother was devastated but she held it pretty together because the kids were there with her. I helped as much as I could with putting his clothes together for the funeral and just being of comfort. Also me and my sister in law put the memorial collage of his photos together as well.

The funeral was nice. Everyone came to show support but I pretty much kept to myself due to just my own personal reasons. I loved his father, in my own way I just wanted to respect and appreciate that this was the final time we would see him. There were other factors involved as to why I kept away from everyone but I won’t disclose that here.
My parents did come and show support in which I appreciate it wholeheartedly. Sadly, lily got ill and so did Kay during our trip there so we couldn’t stay longer as we had originally planned.

So much sadness has engulfed me and has put me in a manic depressive state. I’m hoping this too shall pass.

Thank you to all those who extended loving texts and comments. It was all appreciated. 

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10 songs that played on shuffle. . . 

I decided to do a random and fun post that has to do with what I listen to because the music you listen to says a lot about you.  
I use the app Spotify and I prefer that app over any others that I have ever came across of.  

Have fun and try going to all your songs and hit shuffle. Did you enjoy it? 

Here are my ten songs that appeared:

  1. Throw my mess by band of horses
  2. 27 hours by banks 
  3. Let me hold you by chest codes
  4. Verbatim by blackbear
  5. Tell me by pj and Jevon dee
  6. Moments by tove lo
  7. Sober up by Joe budden
  8. Counterfeit by Jordan fisher
  9. Cierra Los Ojos by zionn and lennox
  10. Mercy by Shawn mendes

As you can see my taste varies.  I am not prejudice when it comes to music.  

I hope you enjoyed this post. 

Stay blessed.

My November and photos

It’s the last day of November and as the rain continues to pour down,  I am nestled in bed trying to relax and get this mild flare up under control. 

Eva is loving the fall leaves that we piled up for her to play and jump in.  

My favorite purchase of November is the Kathleen lights x morphe palette.  😊

Had a much needed girls day with my BFF.  

Kay enjoyed a few Park days due to how warm it’s been. 

Me and hubby revamped our hair which was much needed on both our ends and let me tell u it feels great to finally have my pixie in order. 

I am so beyond glad that stores now have way more penguin items in Stock because my obsession is real.  

I’m still reading ever so slowly the wedding.  Don’t worry I’ll finish it hopefully soon,  I’ve just been on a reading blogs addiction instead.  

Other than that,  I’ve had a sudden kick of enthusiasm to blog,  vlog and start my ebook. So even though I am barely reading,  I am managing to be way more productive with my time.  

I look forward to sharing more of my memories  with  you  all on  here and on my youtube. 

What’s your favorite memory of November? 

Stay blessed. 

Finally!

After much thought into this all week, I have decided to finally put all my poetry into a collections for an ebook. This collection is being thoughtfully processed at the moment and I am so eager to finally be determined to put my first collection into an actual book where all can purchase and enjoy.

There’s so many lovers of poetry out there that I needed to share my words.

I tend to keep most of my poetry to myself but I think it is time to get out of my shell and spread my words to the world to read.

I know I am putting myself out there to be judged as a writer but I am not scared any more.

I am determined to make this happen as soon as I can.

So for those of you that are eager to see what I have created please use this form to be notified of the release of the ebook.

Thank you all for the support on my blog and my youtube channel.

Those who decide to be in my patreon that are in a higher tier of supporters will receive the ebook FREE for being a true supporter of everything that is four x blessed.

Sign up below

Stay blessed.

Our Halloween

No matter how much you plan, things never go as planned. When you have kids it’s like when do things go as planned?

We went to the Halloween store to get some last minute stuff for me and mister officer. Then I had to go to Michael’s to get some paper for an order made. I really got distracted and to top it off the line was long!

So afterwards we planned to just get a quick dinner at McDonald’s but they were severely under staffed so we waited for about 45 minutes. By the time 5:15 pm rolled around I knew we were doomed!

Lily had to get dropped off at her best friends house and Kay was severely constipated to the point she was in agony and tears. So me and him couldn’t get ready nor could we even give out candy or take the boys trick or treating. Our neighborhood sets up a yearly Halloween sort of parade where they line up and all trick or treat together.  This year they had started at 5 pm so we pretty much missed it all.

Kay was all better by 8 ish. By that time the boys were done and I’m so glad my niece came and was able to go with them around as me and mister officer dealt with our sick little one.

See how life throws you curve balls without expected. And even though I felt like the night wasn’t what I wanted or how we had planned I’m just glad that when Kay did feel better, she enjoyed her Halloween and loved her bumble bee outfit.

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I was still able to pull off my creepy doll look that I had spent the night before looking up how to do this look.

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Was I creepy enough?

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My zombie officer and the creepy doll duo.

I wasn’t able to capture the others on my phone. But I am glad they had fun and can still wear their costumes to play.

Hopefully next Halloween we can actually all go around and have it not be so late or a disaster. But that’s life. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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Hope you all had a happy halloween.

Picnic at the 4 chaplains chapel

We got invited to a picnic at the 4 chaplains chapel here in Philadelphia. I never heard of these wonderful and heroic men that the Chapel was made for. The boat was sinking (forgot which war it was) and there was not enough life vests for all the soldiers. These four men Gave their life vest so that others could live. They perished and were never found. May they rest in peace.

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We got there at the beginning of the event so it was nice to chit chat with a few people. We were practically the only family and the only ones around our age, this didn’t bother me.  There was wine and lots of food. The kids had a wonderful time due to the boys club games that were set up next to the picnic

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Watching the Vietnam veterans rise up the flag of pow and the American flag gave me goose bumps and I felt pride to have had the honor to be there and watch this happen.

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The day was very gloomy but that didn’t matter because we were under a tent. Kay gave us a run for our money though I’ll tell you that much! She was such a handful that we had to exit out and head home before the event finished, we left an hour early. She will be on their website so I’ll be on the lookout and post it up on my Instagram once they do post her photo.

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It was a lovely time and made me feel good and honored to have sat with our veterans. I hope to be able to go to another event like this very soon.

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Xo,  Vanessa

Opening up (sensitive post)

It’s sometimes extremely difficult to sit here and try to blog about things that go on in my household or mind but I know that people are either curious or wonder how I manage it all. Opening up to the world has been such a process from within and I am glad to be able to share a piece of myself and family life.

I want to speak about how every bad experience I turned it into a positive or learning road for myself. Also, all the traumatic things that have gone with myself have helped me know what I need to do as a parent for my four, which is always my main priority.

When I was 7 years old, till I was about 9/10 I was molested and rapped by my half brother. He was removed from the home instantly because he confessed and wanted to not harm me anymore. I’m glad he did that for me. Even though he crushed my childhood and innocense, I’m glad he spoke up because I wouldn’t have because my parents were your typical Spanish, closed door abusive home.

I remember the day my dad questioned me… He brought me some sugar donuts and sat me at the table and I could see he had been crying. From that day on sugar donuts would forever me my favorite because it helped to release the blackness. It gave me comfort when no one else bothered to hug me or be there for me.

My older brother Tony always protected me as best he could. When the monster couldn’t get to me, Tony would be the one to get physically abused because he would fight for me. Tony was and will forever be my guardian angel and even though we are both super emotionally damaged, we will always understand and have a secret bond to one another.

I only remember certain parts of the abuse the monster did to me. (I call him the monster because he isn’t human to me and doesn’t deserve to be called by his name.) I was in an accident that caused a cyst to grow in my head and I had to go get operated and my dad had went with me. My dad  was ALWAYS the one there… I was and will always be daddy’s little girl.

A part of me is glad that I don’t remember all the terrible nights, the scary forcing to go to the “park” lies and the many nights my parents left us all alone in the hands of the monster. I am so glad that the nightmares stopped because it took so many years and it rarely comes back to me now unless I mention it or when I see his photo and suddenly I get angry and feel sick.


I can’t control why others choose to forgive and associate with the monster , I had once tried to communicate with him and see if I could grant him forgiveness and instead it made me bitter and more depressed and wanting to self mutilate again because everything would rush back to me. That’s such a terrible feeling! So no, I don’t communicate at all with him and will not do that again for my safety and my kids safety.

I promised my daughters and my sons They will always be protected. They will know that they can always come to me and tell me anything! I am glad that they do everyday tell me every bit of details of their lives because if they can’t open up and talk to me about everything then that’s when hidding becomes dangerous especially in growing children. I wished I had that relationship where I could tell my parents anything at that age, but now we have such an amazing relationship that I know they finally broke the cycle they had from their own upbringing.

I refuse to let the bad damage me in a way that I can’t function as a normal human being. I know that some days are harde with certain sensitive things that have happened to me but all I do is give my babies a hug and a kiss and ask tell them I love them because I never got that growing up.

Hope this post wasn’t too dark, I really tried to minimize the details and didn’t want to go to that part of my life story. I also hope that you all learn that to always have an open communication with your child and look for signs of withdrawal and secrecy.

Pray for me tonight…


Feel free to follow Emily’s blog in the a-z challenge we are doing for the month of May.